I am officially one year out of college.
I am rounding third and heading for home, closing in on one year in NYC.
All of this makes me see how quickly time flies, and how much can happen in a comparatively short amount of time.
In spite of having some severe up and downs this year, I’d like to devote a humble moment to what has been good in this adventurous year:
1) Friends. My friends are incredible. Smart. TALENTED. Loving. Giving. Funny. Kind. Generous. And always always there for me. I don’t know how I always draw the best people into my life, but I do.
2) Taking chances. I’ve learned that on the other side of my own fear is usually a little nugget of joy and knowledge.
3) Surprises. I’ve found that I am a writer of sorts… that was a surprise to me. Other surprises of the year have included
-Interviewing Sheryl Crow
-Seeing Moby in concert, face-to-face
-Harry Potter Pandemonium… and getting to go back to my roots and artistic family for a bit to do it all again. Who could have known?
-Playdates at Annie Leibovitz’s house… didn’t see that one coming
-Financial stability… somehow the thing I worried about the most, has actually turned out to be one of my least concerns
-Press access to numerous shows and events in NYC. How lucky have I been to see so many shows for free? I remember preparing for press to come to shows that I did in Cincinnati, and then somehow I found myself BECOMING the press in NYC. It is good to find yourself on every side of the table, to truly realize that no one is actually nearly as important as you might think they are… we are all just people.
4) Good music. I am a musician who can’t play anything… that is the closest I can come to explaining it. Music feeds me, it makes sense to me- and I am so grateful that I have found so much of it so easily accessible in this large city
5) Places where people know my name. It is nice to know that there are a few little joints in this giant city, where on a given night I know I can walk in and someone will know who I am.
6) My Family. They should really be at the top of the list. They know my heart, they believe in my talents, and they want me to pursue them. On my worst days, I can only keep pursuing this crazy thing because I want to be able to prove them right.
7) The airmattress… for giving me many laughs, and for providing me with a great story to tell one day.
8) The leaky ceiling… for being a pain-in-the ass. Because we all could use a little bit of humbling pain now and then. And once again, for a good story to tell.
9) Chance meetings. The random people I have met standing in lines, or waiting at bars, who have shown me that EVERYONE has a story worth listening to.
10) Everything that happened prior to this year. My lows have only been low because I have seen greatness in myself and the people around me that gives me a comparison. My frustrations have only been for moments where I know I could be doing more than I am doing. Any fear or anxiety is only there because I have seen what life holds, and what joy I can have… and so I know when I am not there, and when I want desperately to get it back.
What have I learned most of this past year? That I can do A LOT. I humbly, yet boldly, state that I can be an actor, director, writer, producer, manager, PR rep, mother, friend, and social coordinator. I can do all of those things. I can gather people, and I believe I can usually see the best in them. And I can make magic if given the chance. And with all of this, I have spent a significant amount of time NOT doing many of these things… and thus NOT being entirely happy.
And if I am not doing what I know I can do, and if I am not happy, I have only myself to blame.
And that kind of knowledge and power is scary yet brutally honest.
Thus, looking forward whilst looking back, I see that I have all the talent, vision, and gumption to make things happen for myself… and if nothing happens I have only myself to blame.
When I lay it down like this, I feel pretty silly for ever being ungrateful. Here’s hoping I can leave more room for gratitude in the coming months and years of my life.
