On the Brink, No Less

I first have to say that I am shocked and amazed at the sudden burst of new followers here on Tumblr.  How cool!  I can’t believe that so many of you find my words worth reading, and even more surprising (and humbling), that you would take the time to express gratitude for my little blog.  Thank you!  

I’ve been formulating a thought into a theory recently, that as artists we have the process for ourselves, but ultimately the output of the work is for others.  It is the nature of the beast.  I write because the process of writing soothes me, but in the end the words I lay down are not mine to hold on to and protect, but are meant to be shared.  That release is frightening, but important.

When we make our plays or rehearse our shows, the process of creation is often therapeutic and (hopefully) very fulfilling… but the final product is not ours for the keeping.  It is the receiving audience that ultimately completes the process and product.  This actually applies to most of life.  I think all acts are cyclical, so it might be nice to consider every thing we do to be an output for a purpose beyond ourselves.  It is a way of connection to a larger body of humanity when we think of every little moment and action as movement within a greater scheme.

I dear friend pointed out to me today that I am lucky and bold to have had a year here in NYC.  Many times this year when I would return home to Ohio, old friends would flippantly refer to my “glamorous” life.  

…

It certainly hasn’t felt glamorous to me at times- but isn’t this the point of shifting perspectives?

The truth is I (and most of the people I know) live very ordinary, unglamorous lives.  I slept on a broken air-mattress for most of the year, and my bank account certainly doesnt reflect glamour.  Seriously, I upgraded from Forever 21 to H&M this year and felt like THAT was living large.

YET- I do live a glamorous life because it is a life that I am proud of.  I chose to brave many uncertainties in order to go where I felt my aspirations calling me.  I chose to forego money at times in exchange for opportunity, and above all, joy and excitement.  

I traveled this year to be with friends and family regardless of whether it made sense or not… because that, to me, is an exciting and fulfilling life.  I took jobs that didn’t pay in exchange for tickets to see shows that sparked my creativity.  I surrounded myself with artists who inspired me, rather than people who wore a tag of importance.  

This year has been less than easy, and right now I feel like I’m standing in the midst of a tornado… not knowing exactly how the pieces will all fit, but KNOWING that all I have to do is wake up each day and take one more step forward.

And the most glamorous moment of my year?  The most thrilling and exciting time(s)?

Always the same: some friends, perhaps some music, lots of laughter, and the feeling of going to bed knowing that I am loved.

That is the glamorous life that I lead.  Just some amazing family and friends.  People I’ve known forever, and people I’ve only just begun to know.  Its a journey about figuring out the best version of you, and what you have to offer to everyone else.  And if I’m not enjoying the ride… then it is certainly not me at my best.

PS:  What do YOU guys want to read about?  What can I do to inspire you?  Or what do you have to offer as inspiration to me in return?  Lets make this blog a cyclical project. Email me your thoughts- julia.albain@gmail.com